START YOUR SUNDAY WITH A GOOD LAUGH

These were too funny not to share… We can all use a good laugh on a Sunday.

Enjoy!

THE YEAR’S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2007:


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that’s taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No -good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see wh ere it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You me an there’s something stronger than duct tape?]


Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren’t they fat enough?!]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That’s what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste li ke chicken?]


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

5 Comments

  1. Renegade Eye said,

    November 25, 2007 at 16:27

    I’ll comment tonight.

    OT: This you must read.

    http://louisproyect.wordpress.com/2007/11/23/yiddish-theater-a-love-story/#comments

  2. Desert Peace said,

    November 25, 2007 at 16:33

    Thanks Renegade… interesting link.

  3. Don Robertson, The American Philosopher said,

    November 25, 2007 at 20:00

    For better or for worse, philosophy is the pinnacle of all knowledge.

    And these headlines read like all the rest to this philosopher.

    And many here might ascribe a certain and even likely incoherence to philosophy.

    I have a T-shirt that reads, Where do they get all this stuff?

    It’s not a fair question in the rhetorical sense of asking it intended, because everyone has an answer they want to impart. But no one really wants to hear it.

    I wear that T-shirt inside out and only reverse it as required. And then as I return it to its original position, I keep my lips zipped shut, but only with great mental effort.

    I sometimes break a sweat in the process.

    Most journalists aren’t really all that dumb though. They simply are quite humanly incoherent, coming as they do descend from a very long line of grunting, howling, and shriekingly incoherent knuckle draggers.

    Please note, I said they “descend”, and that I did not say that they ascended from anywhere.

    There is no progress in the sense your third or second grade teacher imparted a meaning to the word, “progress”.

    Now we are all at home with each other! Doesn’t that feel better, everyone? Feel free to hit me, or insult my wife should you feel that urge coming on…

    While there is no historic precedent, and it is unlikely, perhaps, and only just perhaps, the 21st Century will be the millennium when humanity finally discovers civilization is, or can be, or just might be, something more than the superstitious coupled and obscenely and copulatively embraced by a seething mass of entirely discordant empirical barbarisms that thus far has been passed off as civilization?

    Everyone can write about it. A few can write humorously of it.

    And when we all laugh together at it, it so surely does seem there must be something more than just the current abomination, and such a sordid history to back it all up that way, as it does.

    Just don’t give me any of that old time religion.

    And don’t give me any of the new kind of religion either.

    Empirical science has screwed up the world bad enough already.

    I can read the headlines now, “History Discover Its Past Is Its Future”

    Don Robertson, The American Philosopher

  4. Zainon said,

    November 25, 2007 at 20:34

    This is sooo funny! Best laugh I’ve had in a while. Thank you!

  5. Anonymous said,

    November 26, 2007 at 04:14

    thanks for making me laugh out loud very early in my day !!

    oops. cant do that in the office.


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