ONE YEAR AFTER TRUMP TAKES OFFICE
Trump ‘I don’t wear a toupee, it’s my hair, I swear’
The REAL Issues
July 27, 2015 at 10:31 (Humour)
CLOCKS IN HEAVEN
A Man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?
“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life.”
“Where’s Hillary Clinton’s clock?” asked the man.
“Hillary’s clock is in Jesus’ office…..
He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
May 15, 2015 at 12:59 (Humour)
From bull artist to artist?
Sheldon Adelson Is Now The Proud Owner of A George W. Bush Original
Result …. After)
Before … (my addition, not part of original report)
Jewish casino magnate and political mega-donor Sheldon Adelson is now the proud owner of a painting by a reclusive artist whose works are rarely seen in public – and happens to be a former U.S. president.
The New York Times has reported that George W. Bush, who began painting amateur portraits in 2012, gave Adelson one of his original paintings at last month’s Republican Jewish Coalition conference in Las Vegas.
According to the Times, the painting is of Adelson’s Marina Bay Sands resort and casino in Singapore, which is one of the most expensive buildings ever constructed.
Since his sister Dorothy’s email account was hacked in 2012 and the world learned of his artistic exploits, Bush has focused mainly on portraits of world leaders, such as former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair. He has even painted former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert.
The fiercely pro-Israel Adelson will likely spend tens (if not hundreds) of millions on the next Republican presidential candidate. Bush’s brother Jeb, who is positioning himself for a presidential run in 2016, has distanced himself from comments made by James Baker, Bush senior’s secretary of state, to bolster his pro-Israel credentials. Baker, who had tense relations with the Israeli government of the early ’90s, criticized Netanyahuat the March conference of J Street, which describes itself as a pro-Israel and pro-peace lobby.
So perhaps the gift was more than just a selfless gesture?
Either way, if the painting is comparable to Bush’s previous portraits, it will be, in the words of one art critic, of at least “high amateur” quality. The question is, which casino will Adelson display it in?
Just two days it was reported that Israel’s former President signed a contract for $30 Million a month with Bank Hapoalim.
It all started with this …..
I posted about it under HUMOUR … but apparently Peres didn’t think it was very funny …
Peres pulls out of Bank Hapoalim deal following criticism
Financial newspaper The Marker had reported earlier in the week that Bank Hapoalim was paying Peres $30,000 a month to serve as a lobbyist, representing its interests to players such as likely finance minister Moshe Kahlon. The story caused an uproar, inviting criticism from politicians and commentators.In a Thursday interview with Channel 2, Peres said that the deal had actually been to help a US branch of the bank bring more investors to Israel, and had no relation to domestic issues.
“What we agreed to and what was publicized, there was no connection between the two,” Peres said. The point, he said, “was to explain to them that Israel is a good investment. I’m essentially explaining why they should invest in Israel.”
He also said that he intended to put the money into social causes and investing in science. “I wouldn’t have done something that has the smell of money. I’m surprised they’re even asking about this, I think this is proper service. I am not a lobbyist at all,” he said.
Peres said he decided to cancel the deal altogether instead of simply explaining his perspective in order to put any doubts to rest.
“I decided that in any case, for me, it’s not really a financial issue but a public issue, and it’s important for me to maintain public trust, so I canceled the deal and the that’s the end of it,” he said.
“I want it to be crystal clear. That’s how I’ve behaved all my life, and I don’t want someone to spoil it because of an incorrect story,” he added.
Remember this …..
Former Israeli President Shimon Peres goes Job Hunting in Hilarious Parody Video
It paid off in the end!
Former president hired to consult bank and speak at bank’s events; sources close to Peres say pay goes entirely to charity.
Peres to get $30,000 a month to promote Bank Hapoalim’s activities abroad
Bank Hapoalim hired the services of former president Shimon Peres, who will collect a paycheck of $30,000 a month to promote the bank’s activities abroad, particularly in the United States.
Peres established a financial firm called “Peres and Associates” several months ago, which aims to work with Israeli companies to promote their activities in both existing and new markets across the world.
Sources close to the former president said any pay Peres receives for the company’s services will go to charity.
“The consultant will provide the bank with services to promote its businesses in international markets, including the United States,” the agreement signed between the two sides said. “The consultation will be done professionally and under the accepted standards.”
Peres is being paid for his speaking at bank events, and the contract includes several events across the United States.
At the end of April, Peres is expected to attend a special event Bank Hapoalim is holding in New York to mark its 40 years of activity in the US.
The event, to be held at the Natural History Museum in New York City, will cost the bank some $1-1.5 million. Former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani and 700 other invitees will also be in attendance.
Bank Hapoalim is currently under investigation by American authorities on suspicion it aided its clients evade paying taxes.
Bank Hapoalim declined to comment on the story.
My addition ….
I just wonder if the IRS will be one of the ‘charities’ Peres will contribute to because of the following …
Bank Hapoalim is currently under investigation by American authorities on suspicion it aided its clients evade paying taxes.
Did you ever wonder what the difference is between Easter and Passover?
In THIS video, Jon Stewart explains it all …. a must watch if you want a smile on your face for the rest of the week.
From the Los Angeles Times
Jewish people of the world, it’s time to step it up. That’s the message Jon Stewart delivered to his fellow tribe members Monday on “The Daily Show” in a humorous rant about Passover’s public relations battle with Easter.
“As the father of mixed-faith children who are exposed to both Christian and Jewish holidays, I can’t help but feel that we Jews are getting our [tuchuses] kicked out here,” he began.
Stewart argued that, having “already conceded defeat in the Christmas versus Hanukkah kerfuffle,” it was time for Jews to think about rebranding one of their most cherished holidays. The key to victory, he claimed, is winning over the kiddies, and Passover could really use some help with this demographic.
Stewart summarized the Easter “holiday sales pitch” this way: “OK, kids. Easter weekend is an observation of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection, so, buh-bam! A basket with candy!”
The Passover meal is a much harder sell to most kids, Stewart argued, because Jews commemorate the emancipation of the ancient Israelites by eating food fit for, well, a slave. “Hey, 5-year-olds! Basket filled with candy and jellybeans, or horseradish still in root form? Would you like the treats a magical bunny brought you, or the bone from a dead baby lamb?”
Stewart urged his fellow Jews to “take it up a notch” when it comes to youth marketing. After all, it’s not like the story of Passover is totally uncool. “Moses parting the Red Sea? How have we not turned that into an amusement park?” he wondered.
Most critically, Passover could really use a make-believe character to rival the Easter Bunny. To that end, Stewart proposed “Passover Pete, the guitar-playing, pizza-eating lion.”
Having already declared war on Christmas, Stewart appears to have moved on to another Christian holiday. The Easter Bunny better watch his back.
Jon Stewart hammers Republicans on Iran letter: They’re ‘f*cking cuckoo bananas’
Daily Show host Jon Stewart argued on Tuesday that the letter from 47 Senate Republicans to Iranian leaders wasn’t to warn them about striking a nuclear agreement with President Barack Obama — it was really a warning about the GOP. “‘You may be able to get Obama to construct …
It’s like a Larry David production
..........A SHOW ABOUT NOTHING
The worst part is that Bibi is making a joke out of it … instead of putting forth a program, his game is to attack the opposition … Sound familiar?
Hillary played the same game in 2008 …
But that hasn’t stopped Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and two of his challengers from copying it.
* ...........From an earlier post ...
When most of the major players refuse to raise issues, what else could be expected?
As things stand now, the only losers in the upcoming election will be the electorate themselves.
* ...........From Reuters via Ynet
Netanyahu says sees ‘worldwide’ effort to topple him
‘Nothing is guaranteed because there is a huge, worldwide effort to topple the Likud government,’ says prime minister.
And here is what he didn’t say to Congress
The real reason for the trip …
Shocker! Benjamin Netanyahu Uses Speech to Congress in Campaign Ad
‘Non-Partisan’ Claim Out Window as Election Crunchtime Arrives
Despite denials that his speech to Congress was a bid to boost his party in national elections in Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu’s party released a campaign ad showing him being applauded by congressmen.
The 80-second ad released Thursday comes as polls show Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and his Likud Party trailing the opposition Zionist Union by between three and five seats in Israel’s Knesset following the elections.
The ad shows Netanyahu speaking in the House Chamber and shows at least one of his standing ovations from members of the U.S. House of Representatives and U.S. Senate. It juxtaposes scenes of Netanyahu speaking to Knesset, panning the empty seats of his opposition, to scenes of what appear to be a full House chamber and wild applause.
At least 60 congressmen boycotted the speech, citing, among other reasons, its taking place March 3, exactly two weeks before the Israeli elections. Netanyahu and his defenders said the preeminent reason for the speech was the urgency opposing Iran nuclear talks backed by President Barack Obama. The deadline for an outline of an agreement in the talks is March 24.
Netanyahu spoke at the invitation of the House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), who in a breach of protocol did not consult the White House, congressional Democrats or the American Israel Public Affairs Committee. No Obama administration officials attended the speech, and Vice President Joe Biden, who conventionally co-chairs such events with the House speaker, was out of the country.
Obama declined to meet with Netanyahu while he was in Washington, also citing the proximity of Israel’s national elections.
How AlJazeera views Bibi’s ads …
Netanyahu under fire over election campaign ads
He might have believed his speech was the best campaigning ever …. but his opposition is cashing in on it …
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
“After my short visit to the United States, I return to Israel knowing that many around the world heard what Israel has to say about the impending deal with Iran.”
Netanyahu Returns to Israel ‘Knowing Israel Has Been Heard’
Following his high-profile speech to Congress last night, Prime MinisterBinyamin Netanyahu returned to Israel Wednesday.
In a statement shortly after landing, Netanyahu said he was satisfied with his address and its reception.
“After my short visit to the United States, I return to Israel knowing that many around the world heard what Israel has to say about the impending deal with Iran,” he said in a statement released by the Prime Minister’s Office.
In an apparent response to claims by US President Barack Obama that his speech did not offer “practical alternatives” to the deal with Iran currently under discuss, the prime minister added: “In my speech before theCongress, I presented a practical alternative, which would impose tougher restrictions on Iran’s nuclear program, extending Iran’s breakout time by years.
“I also called on the P5+1 to insist on a deal that would link the lifting of those restrictions to Iran’s ceasing its sponsorship of terrorism around the world, its aggression against its neighbors and its calls for Israel’s destruction.”
The responses he received were positive, he emphasized – from both sides of the isle.
“I heard encouraging responses from both Democrats and Republicans. They understood that the current proposal would lead to a bad deal and that the alternative is a better deal.”
The above is the extreme right viewpoint FROM
A more realistic view is presented by Jon Stewart
Bibi’s Congress Reception Was ‘Longest Blowjob a Jewish Man Has Ever Received’
The Editors at Mondoweiss added the following humour as well …. Click HERE to see report
Factchecking Netanyahu: An annotated guide to the Israeli P.M.’s speech to Congress
Spoof by Latuff
Just look at their residence …. it’s in a shambles.
No one should have to live like this …
Thank goodness they have a place to move to after the election…
The Netanyahus have an additional, private home of their own in Caesarea
Netanyahus Show Off their Decrepit Home
The tour revealed a somewhat dilapidated house, with some features that have apparently not been renovated since the 1950s, when the house – built in the 1930s for a Greek-Jewish financier – was purchased by the Israeli government.
The video produced by Glamin begins with a “selfie” with Prime MinisterNetanyahu in the foyer. Sarah then joins the designer, and points out a carpet that was bought, she said, for President Barack Obama’s visit. The carpet that preceded this one, she explained, had very large holes in it, and once the Prime Minister asked a security man to stand on top of one of the holes in order to hide it, during an official visit by a foreign leader.
(video is in Hebrew, but worth watching)
After viewing Sarah’s work room, in which heads of state sometimes confer before press conferences, the pair proceed through another room to the living room, where mismatched sofas surround a low glass table. The sofas, explains Sarah, were only approved for the visit by the French President, which followed Obama’s. The sofas that were in place during Obama’s visit had holes in them.
The dining room has broken glass lampshades on a track light fixture, and Netanyahu explains that in order to fix or replace any item, bureaucratic hurdles must be surmounted. From there they proceed to the Prime Minister’s work room, in which Glamin is shocked to find mold on the curtains and a moisture problem in a corner, which causes the paint to peel.
More dampness and peeling walls can be seen in the patio, and next to it is a yard with no grass. Glamin jokingly suggests that every guest who visits the house be asked to bring a square meter of grass, to gradually fill up the yard.
Glamin is positively petrified, however, when he enters the kitchen. “This doesn’t look real,” he explains. “This looks like the kitchen of a boarding school in Romania, in 1954.” He winds up the tour by confessing that he is disappointed by how the home looks – but has enjoyed Sarah’s company.
The Prime Minister’s Office insisted that the tour was held at Glamin’s initiative. Glamin says that he did not allow the Netanyahus to be involved in the editing of the video.
There is little doubt, however, that the video tour was initiated in order to balance out any criticism that will appear in the Comptroller’s report. The media has hounded Sarah Netanyahu for years with claims that she spends too much on pistachio ice cream, among other things, and that she is mean and petty toward the residence’s staff.
The Netanyahus have an additional, private home of their own in Caesarea.
From my ziocrap file
Here’s the reason why …
Bombshell report details excessive spending by prime minister
Political firestorm as comptroller says Netanyahus spent too much on food, cleaning at homes in Jerusalem, Caesarea; finds faulty administrative practices
Ya’think if I tell Congress that I won’t accept their 30 Billion Dollar$ next year they will bomb Iran?
Elie Wiesel to attend Netanyahu speech to Congress
In full-page ad, Nobel Prize winner expresses firm support for ‘keeping weapons from those who preach death to Israel and America’
Full report HERE
The following jibberish is from my favourite Mossad news agency, MEMRI … it is quite amusing.
In a recent TV show, Algerian cleric Chemseddine el Djazairi said, in response to a viewer’s question: “Contemporary Jews are of the seed of Adam, not of the apes and pigs, because the line of those transformed into apes and pigs was severed.” The show aired on the Algerian Ennahar TV on February 8, 2015.